I always try having a reminder for me saying “love yourself!”. Strange but true. I need a reminder for everything anyways, especially for my emotions. I am a people person and hate being alone. Actually, earlier it was horrible it used tear me out of fear to be alone. Until I found peace in being alone.

I have been always this stupid person, caring a lot for others and just ignore what I feel. I used to run for people, if they need me (you can call me their secretary). I was a lot mess back then. I was an all-in-one package for everyone like being a teddy to hug (although I am skinny!), being a punching bag, being a pillow to cry, and what not.

Until this particular day that change everything, I am sure everybody must have got this day in their life to slap you harder and bring you to senses.

So, this one day I left my college earlier and thought of just fooling around for some time. As I said I always needed someone every time. I took the train from the station, which had hardly 15 people in it. I scrolled my fingers on the mobile screen to find no one was really there for me when I needed them. I ended up crying, obviously I felt terrible. I always had the habit of writing, so I started describing this horrible day to the phone with the shaky hands. As I continued, I realize, “wait despite being alone I am at peace”.

I was not being anyone’s teddy, punching bag or even a single fake thing. I was “me”. And there somebody knocked inside me. It was this “mini me” which I was ignoring all these years. This “mini me” actually had a lot to say, it burst into something like this –

“have you ever been truly yourself? have you ever done something for yourself? start having a life for you and not for others. Why can’t you just enjoy time alone? There’s a lot you can do alone”

Honestly, this felt like Mumma’s slap when I did anything wrong. After having a little sobbing and ruining my eye-liner, I decided to make a list and start doing what mini me says. Let me tell you this seems simple but its not. Now that all sense has come back, need to concentrate. Umm! Let’s start with the list. To inform you, this mini me had a very long list though. It goes something like this-

1.Do something that you really wanted to do.

2. cut down the people around with negative vibes (this actually is top thing).

3. make decisions for you and not for others (still struggling with this, hehe).

4. spend some time alone.

5. sometimes its good to explore things alone.

6. and stop being so uncool.

This mini mi tantrum list is really hard to fulfil and need a lot of attention. I came home and decided to get going the list and ended up curled in my assignments. That day I understood to love yourself, you also need some luck. Luck and I am being a long-time cold war enemy. But I knew, come may what be, I am never giving up on these. Every bit of these new gut feeling was important for me. Mini me is grown up with lot of tantrums but backed by the box of positivity.

Got some chocolate bars aside and enlisted the cut-down-people list. Surprising this list was a big one.

Surely, I am still on the process. But this all the process has gave me a lot that I never expected. It gave me back the “lost me”. We all need such day to make us realize who actually are in this little fake world? We should really ask one thing to ourselves

“what are we proving by not being real and ourselves? What’s wrong with being ourselves and love yourself more than others?”

Let me tell this whole process also had some break downs here and there, but its just worth it. Trust the process! Toodles!!!!